• Blanc Space

Mothering Like Your Mother

Updated: May 12

If you're new to Blanc Space you may not know I'm a mother of two girls. Baby Girl just turned three years old, and Doll will be turning nine in two months. Quartine has exposed areas of our lives that we've overlooked. It's pushed our mental health and personal growth to new levels. Juggling a 6-year gap requires my mind to switch from understanding the ability of a toddler and a pre-teen. Knowing that they both cannot and will not be able to work in tandem with the same task.

Now before you roll your eyes and think this is another mom being "perfect" and about to share the golden "how-to" guide, that's soo not what this is! I am just as lost as the next mom. I will be the first to admit that I am still learning and having a 2nd child has up' ed the learning curve!

Earlier this week I incorporated a tip from Jordan Page at Fun Cheap Or Free and created a "bored/ chore jar". I combined both jars into one and introduced this to Doll. She was elated! Yesterday she pulled a stick I knew she'd love! The popsicle stick said to "facetime a friend". During quarantine, it's been hard with her not being able to be around her friends, playing with kids her age, and most of all, we transferred her out of her school of 4 years last Fall. The past semester had been a hard one so I knew when she picked that popsicle stick she'd be excited.

As the rain poured outside, Doll face-timed a good friend that she hadn't spoken to in months. As I listened, from a distance, I realized that my little girl was not a little girl anymore. She was indeed a pre-teen and I needed to switch my mindset!

As I eased dropped from the kitchen their chat of one person became a chat party! I felt old because how were they able to take a call with one to a call of ten kids! I felt myself get uneasy as I listened to her try and compete to get her voice heard. For the first time, I witnessed my daughter trying to be assertive and wanted to interject, but I knew I had to let her do this on her own.

I sat by and listened as they all over talked one another, my daughter shouting with a smile "hey guys look". The conversation must have gotten out of hand as I watched Doll and fought with my mama bear voice because I heard another parent say "you all speak nicely to each other" and at that moment I realized I was holding my breath. But WHY?!

I realized that my mother's voice was playing in my head. It's funny how your childhood moments can creep into your head when your watching or parenting your kids. I felt anxious and worried that Doll would not know how to handle herself in such a crowded situation, but she did fine!

As the rain outside became a thunderstorm we lost power. So we sat in the living room. Baby girl curled up underneath me while Doll mumbled "my tablet does not work, now what do we do". I just laughed and analyzed the moment and said to myself she needs more moments like that. Moments to develop who she is. Moments to be assertive, grow into herself, learn to communicate, argue, and be able to read others through their tone and body language. This is a much-needed tool for her toolbox of life.

Watching her interactions brought up my thoughts on Doll having a phone. She will be 9 in September. I've always thought of Doll having a phone as a safety device. But there's some hesitant there due to my upbringing as a kid. My mother limited things of this nature. These "adult" items allowed too much exposure to the world and took away a lot of control that she felt was needed to mold me. Now, as a mother, I find myself analyzing this method and wondering "do I feel the same way my mother did"?

After yesterday's experience, I will have to say no! The hubs and I believe in providing our daughters with lessons to survive in this world. No coddling, no rose-colored glass. Only survival tactics plucked from our up bring with elements that we wish were infused into our nurturing.

I'm not a perfect mom, but I am a mom who is always looking to grown and learn more about being a better version of myself. This way I can give my daughters the guidance they so desire.

Share in the comment section at what age you've given your kids a phone.

You all can follow along with our family over on Instagram where I post daily stories. If you decide to join our family be sure to DM and let me know.

4 views0 comments